Friday, April 17, 2015

Asking for a little understanding, and forgiveness...

Just when I feel like I'm doing ok, something comes along and throws me for a loop.  Just this week, I was hit with this feeling multiple times.  A few times at the hands of a once-dear friend.  Once at Kroger when I heard a super depressing song on the radio in the store.  And, once when I was just sitting quietly and I had to explain that my sitting quietly does not mean I am mad, or upset or anything.  I know this will happen many more times over the coming weeks and months.  I do hope it gets better.

So, I guess I'm asking for two things:

First, I need a little understanding from those around me.  I am not the "typical" female when it comes to these things.  I don't just want to sit and talk about how I feel.  I need time to process what I'm feeling, and then I need more time to put those feelings into words.  I'm weird like that, I guess.  

Second, I am asking for forgiveness.  This is definitely the hardest thing I've ever been through. The loss of a parent, is literally the loss of one of your ties to the past.  It's hard.  I never in my wildest dreams imagined it would be this hard.  So, I'm asking for forgiveness if I'm short with you, or if I just want to sit quietly and not talk.  I sometimes just want to sit and decompress.  On top of the difficulties of losing my Daddy, I have also experienced the loss of a life-long friend.  Both losses were completely unexpected, and knocked the breath out of me.  

I found this Native American prayer when trying to decide what to have printed inside of my Daddy's memorial card at the funeral.  This was my favorite, because it fit him so well.  You wouldn't know it to look at me, but my family is Indian (Native American).  I guess those genes skipped me!  My Daddy was proud of that heritage, and loved all things Indian.  

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